It’s been just over a full year since having Maya.  The past year has easily been the best of my life and I’m sure of Michelle’s as well.  Having a baby, and one as perfect as Maya, is truly a miracle.  Michelle always has this thing where at your birthday, you have to think about the most significant thing that happened in the past year.  This year, I had it pretty easy, it was having and being able to raise Maya.  That’s the easy answer.  I thought that I would take this opportunity to reflect on that actual event.  The following will be considered Maya’s Birth Story from Daddy’s perspective.

 

Its funny that I haven’t written down some of these details already.  I have been managing this blog for nearly a year and have only written down bits and pieces about Maya’s birth story.  Things like times, weights and heights are duly noted throughout this blog, so I will not reiterate them here.  This space is reserved for talking about the experience that one has when working through a labor.

 

I will start with our preparation for Maya’s arrival.  Michelle and I took a 9 week Bradley course to prepare ourselves for having a baby.  We chose this style of birthing class partly because Michelle’s sister had used this method and mostly because early on Michelle had decided that she was going to do everything she possibly could to have a natural birth.  I remember talking to Michelle about this prospect and her telling me how excited, yet terrified she was of the potential pain that was to come.  We went to every class, listened intently and made mental notes of the things to remember.  9 weeks of knowledge transfer and the most important thing that I got out of the class was, if you are ever put in a situation that you are not sure you want to be in, be sure to ask as many questions as possible to arm yourself with as much information as possible to make a decision.  We were told that having a baby naturally is actually going against the grain, that it is so incredibly uncommon that you will have to fight to have your baby that way.  So, ask questions and the most important two of which were, is the baby alright and is my wife alright.  Michelle and I had finished the class and had felt as prepared as we could have been going into something that is such an unknown.  But, with what we learned and our Northwestern Midwives behind us, supporting our decision to have a natural birth, we felt pretty good.  

 

So, Michelles water breaks around 3:00 a.m.  Michelle taps me awake and says, “Bud, I think my water just broke.”  I asked if she was sure and she said it felt like she had wet herself, so I popped up out of bed, heart pounding with excitement, the moment had finally arrived.  I ran around, making sure that all of our bags were ready to go and that all of our ducks were in a row.  After feeling that we were ready to roll to the hospital at a moments notice, I went back into bed and talked to Michelle about what we wanted to do at this point.  We had learned in our class that we should not get too over excited and try and rush ourselves to the hospital.  Laboring at home is a perfectly normal thing to do and that we should try and do this for as long as possible, well, at least until the contractions were coming every 3 minutes and lasting for at least a minute in length (I think that was the timing).  So, we decided to try and get some rest as it was probably going to be a fairly long day once morning came.  So, we both laid there in bed with anticipation, wonder, worry and terror running through our minds.  I don’t think that I slept all that much actually, but managed to get some rest.  

 

We both woke up for the day around 6:00 or 7:00, I can’t remember completely, but it was pretty early.  Michelle’s contractions were pretty faint and not really bothering her all that much.  Michelle would spend much of the morning on the phone with family and girlfriends.  We didn’t want anyone to be there or on their way until the little one was out.  We wanted the first hour and half all to ourselves so that we could get to know our little peanut.  

 

So, we were up and not much was happening, so we tried as much as possible to maintain some sort of normalcy to our day.  We hung around in the morning, took a couple of walks around the block, but didn’t get up to too much.  By noon or so, we were ready for a longer walk to try and get things going as we would be quickly approaching 12 hours with Michelles water being broken.  So, we took a longer walk and came home.  I remember all throughout the day, taking little catnaps with each other, trying to rest up.  We would lay there, talk about things to come and time the contractions.  This is pretty much how our day went, wake, walk, time contractions, try and nap and do it all over again.  This went on until about 3:00 or so in the afternoon.  

 

By 3:00 Michelle’s contractions were starting to get stronger and were lasting longer.  They weren’t quite to where we needed them to be to head to the hospital, but they were steadily increasing at this point.  So, we continued to try and walk because that helped with the pain of the contractions.  At about 6:00, Michelle decided she wanted to jump in the tub.  She had been hoping to be able to have a water birth.  Michelle is in the tub, I’m on the toilet (lid down mind you), timing contractions.  By 6:30, Michelle’s contractions had gone from bearable to nearly intolerable, so we decided sometime between 6:30 and 7:00 to call the hospital to let them know we were coming.  

 

Now up until this point, the birth had been pretty much going according to plan.  We had been doing everything that we planned to do and had been making good use of the knowledge gained in our class.  My how quickly this would all change.  I called the hospital and gave them the low down and they told me that the attending doctor would call me back.  I said, “doctor”, and she said yes.  Confused I said, “but we were seeing the midwives, I would like to speak with one of them please.”  At this point, the operator informed me that the mid-wife on call was not there due to a family emergency.  “Oh shit...” was basically what ran through my head at that point.  I knew that this was going to be a problem for Michelle because it was ripping everything familiar about the delivery scene and turning it upside down, we were going to have to deliver with someone who we had never met and moreover, someone who was more than likely not going to be as supportive as what we thought a mid-wife would have been.  So, I broke the news to Michelle and you could almost see the sadness and panic set in.  So, I tried to remain calm and wanted to wait to hear back from the doctor on call before forming any opinions.  

 

The doctor called back in probably about 15 minutes.  “Hello, this is Dr. Mcnair.”  I explained the situation at the moment and confirmed with her that no mid-wives were on duty, nor would they be until morning.  She, after hearing that Michelle’s water had been broken for over 15 hours, immediately recommended that we come in to the hospital so that we could get on the monitors and make sure the baby wasn’t in distress.  So, I finished the conversation with the Dr. and told Michelle what was going on.  She got out of the tub and began readying herself for the trip to the hospital.

 

As soon as we got into the car and began the 15 minute trip to the hospital, Michelle began to cry.  The whole vibe had changed.  It was as if our energy had been sucked right out of us, depleted.  Michelle literally cried the entire way to the hospital, fearing the worst.  I tried to console and be positive about the remainder of the hand we had been dealt.  Nothing was working.  By the time we arrived at the hospital, Michelle had a towel between her legs because she was still leaking fluids (water).  We pulled into the valet, I pulled the bags and helped Michelle out of the car.  We walked in together and I went up to the desk to register and get told where to go.  As I walked away, I asked for a wheelchair for Michelle and one didn’t come until I was essentially done registering.  Michelle was nearly screaming for a wheelchair, saying that she was pregnant, sobbing.  The guy who finally comes with a wheelchair, takes us in the wrong direction and goes halfway down the hall before he realizes it, so we have to back track.  We get to the triage level or something like that because we were considered an at risk deliver because of the duration since the water initially broke.

 

We are now at the hospital and have been admitted.  It is about 8:30 p.m., so 15.5 hours since the water broke.  So Michelle gets told to settle in in one of the admitting rooms until they can get her hooked up to all of the monitoring equipment.  Meanwhile, her contractions have all but stopped.  When the random contraction does come, they are strong and she is in visible discomfort.  The nurse hooks Michelle up to a heartbeat monitor, contraction monitor and blood pressure monitor.  She flipped everything on and took off.  Shortly thereafter, the Dr. rolled in to introduce herself and assess the situation.  She comes in, talks to us briefly and then makes the recommendation to immediately begin taking an IV and petocin.  The IV was for fluids and the petocin to help speed up and regulate the contractions.  Great, first thing this lady is going to do is offer a woman who wants to have a natural baby is medication and drugs.  This is going to be a long and taxing ride.  So, I start asking questions.  Michelle is crying on the bed because she just can’t believe we are in the situation we are in.  What do we need this for, what do we need that for, is the baby alright, can my wife have some water, on and on the questions starting streaming.  The Dr. says she recommends getting on all of this because there is a risk of C-section due to how long the water has been broken.  Unbelievable.  She’s trying to scare us into a decision.  I told her that the mid-wives had told us that we were solid for 24 hours as long as the baby was monitoring well.  She said she had never heard of that.  And oh, by the way, you’re not going to have a water birth, I don’t do those.  You can labor in the tub, but you are getting out for delivery.  Sobs from the pregnant lady corner.  All of Michelle’s expectations are being shattered one by one and I’m about to hit somebody because of it.  So, I argue the Dr. into submission.  She is going to let us make the decision on the IV and petocin.  We said no, not at this time.  We are then left in this crappy little room for nearly an hour.  Michelle is getting more and more upset and still crying. She is getting dehydrated because the Dr. said no water, and she is parched, like she’d been in the desert for 4 days with no water.  I’m out in the hall every 5 minutes, can we get a new room, can my wife have some water, what is going on?  They keep telling us that Michelle’s contractions are irregular and not very strong and not very long.  All the while deflating and scaring Michelle.  She’s feeling them, regardless of what the nurses and Dr.s are saying and if they are gonna get worse...whooo boy.  

 

Finally, at about 10:00 or 10:30, they move us down to the delivery floor.  We met our nurse who would be with us for the delivery, she seemed sweet.  The Dr. came back down and tried once again to get us to do the IV and petocin.  This time she had said the baby’s heart rate had elevated and that that was a bad sign, could be a sign of infection in the uterus due to the lack of water.  Bad news means higher chance of C-section, the worst threat you can throw out to a woman who wants to have a baby naturally.  So, we said no again.  After the Dr. left, we talked about it between ourselves and then confided in the nurse, asking for her opinion.  Michelle decides that this is a good time to try and barter.  Can I have some water if I take the petocin and IV?  The nurse said that it wasn’t really about bartering, but that she would ask.  She came back with news that Michelle could have a little water and some ice chips if she did the IV and petocin.  So we agreed.  Started her on an IV to replenish her fluids and minerals and the petocin on a small drip to re-engage the contractions.  

 

It wasn’t until after all of this that we came to the realization that because Michelle was so stressed about the change in plans and the new rules of engagement we were working with, that that was the reason her contractions had stopped.  They were coming just fine and progressing normally at home, until we found we had no mid-wife.  Then, we get to the hospital and they restrict water, thus her heart rate and blood pressure, along with the baby’s go up, cause effect if you ask me.  As soon as the IV goes in, everything that was elevated goes back to normal.

 

So, everyone leaves and it is just Michelle and I.  She is feeling a little better now that she has some fluids.  Her contractions begin again with the aid of the pitocin.  They are of course at this point, pretty strong, so she has to continue to move around and bear down.  The nurse comes in and our a couple of times every hour to check on the monitors etc.  After about an hour, we lose our first nurse, she has to go help someone else.  A new nurse comes in.  The old nurse explains our birth plan and the fact that we have vetoed the epidural and leaves.  The second nurse comes in, says hello, checks the monitors and leaves.  30 minutes later, nurse #2 comes in and says she has to leave, we will be getting another nurse.  Nurse 3 comes in, all briefed on the birth plan, etc.  It must have been right about this time, maybe midnight or so that we start to hear these awful screams coming from the room right next to us.  These screams are obviously another woman in labor.  She is screaming, “I can’t do this”, “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”.  Meanwhile, Michelle is low riding in a chair, working through her own contractions, which are considerable at this point, without making a peep, I mean, not a sound except for breathing and maybe a super miniscule moan every once in a while.  What a rock star.  Dr. Mcnair comes in to see how Michelle is doing at this point and sees Michelle working through the contractions.  Michelle asks about being able to get into a tub.  The Dr. tells us that the screaming lady next door is one of our “natural birthing buddies” and that she is using the tub (lets not forget the lady next door is the one screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs). Nice, thanks for the info doc.  On top of all of this, the Dr. says we can’t get into a tub until we are 5 cm or something like that. Michelle says check me, I want to know.  The Dr. agrees, we are 3 cm.  Once again, “oh shit...” runs through my head.  Its been a long 21 hours already and we are still 7 cm away.  

 

The Dr. leaves and its just Michelle and I.  It is getting to be about 1:00 or so.  Michelle starts talking about how she doesn’t know how much longer she can take it and that she is thinking about the epidural and whatever else the Dr. wants to do to get this over with.  I tell her that she is doing great, she’s made it this far and who knows, things could move pretty quickly at any given time.  I said stick it out a bit longer if you can hon, but I will support your decision either way.  She bears down and decides she’s going to make a good go of it.  

 

So, the lady next door has stopped screaming, and it has been a while, so we assume that has taken care of itself and we start asking for the tub again, this time, nurse #3 or 4 tells us that someone elses blood and placenta are in the tub and that they need to be cleaned out, it will take a couple of hours.   She leaves.  Michelle is still not making much noise, a picture of quiet strength.  You can see every contraction wear on her just a little bit, each time, but she fights through and comes out on the other side breathing, lightening up her grip on my hand.  By the way, did I mention it is like 50 degrees in our room.  Cold tile, TV’s got one channel that works and Michelle is hanging out in her gown and turquoise slippers (ala Peggy Bundy).  So, every 30 minutes to an hour the nurse #3 or 4 comes in, at this point I believe her name was Gwen.  She was somewhat rude and short with us as I think we had been labeled as the “nutty natural couple” amongst the nurses and doctor(s), but she would eventually come around, they all would.

 

By about 3:00, Michelle asks to be checked again for dilation because her contractions have gone to yet another level and she is ready for the tub.  She’s checked and she is now 5.5 or 6 cm.  Hurray, a tub can now be used.   So, every half hour from here on our we are asking for a tub.  The tub should have been cleaned and ready for use by now, but isn’t.  Michelle saddles up on the birthing ball, me sitting on a chair behind her, holding her up so that she doesn’t fall off.  Right now, we have been up for 24 hours, with naps here and there, but for the most part, we are so tired and so ready for this to come to a conclusion.  As Michelle sits there working through her contractions, I’m sleeping behind her, holding her up.  As she comes out of a contractions, I wake and hold her to make sure she doesn’t fall off the ball and she sleeps between contractions.  We do this 1-2 minutes of sleep trading for the next hour and a half.  It’s amazing what your body does to get you through this ordeal.  

 

Shortly before the sleep exchange started happening, the Dr. came in to check on Michelle.  “Ohh, she’s in a different place now.”  Thats what the Dr. says when she comes in and sees the strength of Michelle’s contractions on the monitors and then looks at her stoic face.  “She’s gonna make it, I think she is gonna make it natural.  I didn’t think she could do it, but she just may prove me wrong.”  Michelle is, between contractions, apologizing for something, can’t remember what, but she is apologizing.  At any rate, it takes them until 4:30 to get the tub ready.  At 4:30, Gwen comes in and tells us the tub is ready to roll.  Michelle drops the gown in the 50 degree room and follows Gwen into the tub room.  She jumps in and I assume the husband position on the side of the tub, sitting on a chair.  Gwen is pretty much with us from this point forward.  

 

From 4:30 to 5:00 a.m. on July 1, we are in the tub room, working through some of the worst contractions Michelle has had yet.  By 5:00, she is telling Gwen, she needs to start pushing.  Gwen tells her to hold on, she is going to grab a doctor, but we were still 4 cm away a couple of hours ago.  Michelle feels ready.  The Dr. comes down and checks Michelle, she is 10cm dilated.  “Next time you feel the need to push, go ahead.” We will have Dr. Mcnair in here right away.  The Dr. rolls in and says, “You know what, I’m gonna let you have this baby in the tub, you’ve earned it.”  “We’ll see how it goes.”  “Once the baby is out, you will need to get out and deliver the after birth on the table though.”  “Thank you so much” from both Michelle and I.  So, Michelle begins to push with her next contraction.  After two pushes, you can see the little head pushing out.  Tears are welling up in my eyes.  I’ve never, ever had more respect and admiration for my wife.  She has lasted through a grueling 26 hour labor, with ups and downs.  She taken every thing and is finally coming to the finish line.  She squeezes my hand hard enough to turn it white with every contraction.  Her feet are pressed tightly against the leverage points within the tub.  By push 4 or so, Maya is crowning, her little head is poking out and her face is turned downward, so I can’t really see her just yet, its all back of the head.  I tell Michelle she’s almost there, with just a touch of overjoy in my voice.  The nurses and Dr. are telling Michelle that another push or two and Maya will be out.  Michelle bears down and gives it another good go.  After that push, everyone repositions because the next one, they plan to turn the baby and help her out the rest of the way.  Michelle grabs a hold of everything and gives it a final push, out comes Maya Rose Angel, 5:26 a.m.  Tears of joy, relief, amazement and a million other emotions all come out at once.  I’m kissing Michelle on the forehead telling her what a great job she has done.  The nurses and Dr. have cleared Maya’s throat and she is screaming, the best scream you will ever hear!  The baby is presented to Michelle in the tub for about a minute.  Pure joy, no other way to explain that moment.  It’s better than anything I’ve ever experienced.  We both kissed Maya’s head which was still covered in the white coating (V something) that baby’s sometimes come out with.  Touching and stroking our new baby. I cut the umbilical cord there in the tub room (took two cuts).  The nurses start to walk away with the baby, I look at Michelle and tell her I am going to follow her and that I love her.  

 

I follow the nurses back into our 50 degree room where they have all of the drying towels, weight machine, tape measure, heating lamp, etc. set up.  They are all rubbing her, stimulating her blood to flow, etc.  Look out, my third wind has arrived and I don’t even realize I am so tired.  I’m bouncing around like a jack rabbit trying to take as many pictures as possible, asking the question, how long until she can go to mom?  After the third time I ask that question, one of the nurses tells me that they will let me know when she is ready.  In the meanwhile, Michelle comes out from the tub room, pale as a ghost and freezing.  She’s wrapped in a towel and a blanket, she is off to the table to deliver the after birth and get any stitches that are needed.  As she walks by, she looks over the nurses to get a glimpse of her beautiful baby girl.  Michelle delivers the after birth, which I only get a glimpse of, it looked like a giant red jellyfish, yikes, I have a phobia of those.  She gets a couple of stitches, not many, she faired pretty well.  Just as Michelle is finishing up the stitches portion of your delivery, I am being handed my little burrito (Maya wrapped in the hospital cloth).  I’m holding her, for the first time, walking over to Michelle.  There must have been a thousand kisses thrown around in that first hour and a half.  As I get to Michelle, they have Maya on her chest, it’s time for the hungry little monster to feed.  Michelle fiddles around, but gets her to latch on.  She feeds briefly and the nurses take her over to test her for blood sugar levels, etc.  They find that she is a little low, so they feed her a bottle of formula to try and boost her whatever.  Not really realizing it, we would have preferred to have her breast feed at that point, if we could have.  They gave her the bottle and then brought her back over to Michelle where we sat and doted.  I called all of our parents and family and friends to share the good news while Michelle held her prize.  We would spend the next hour and a half with Maya.  She would eventually go to sleep, and we tried to do the same.  By 7:00 or so, our family had arrived.  Grandma Mollie and Grandpa Steve, then Grandma Marti and Papa Bruce.  Aunt Nik and Seda (who had to wait outside because she couldn’t come into the room).  

 

Having a baby is really a magical event.  There are many things in life that bamboozle me but this one event is something that I will never forget.  Through all of the strife that we had with this birth, and most of which was superficial, we ultimately ended up having a healthy baby girl, born in a tub and naturally.   We accomplished our goal and did so in the face of contradiction.  If we could do it all over again, I personally wouldn’t change a thing.  This was a bonding experience for Michelle and I that i wouldn’t trade for anything.  We were literally by ourselves for the majority of the delivery and labor.  We connected on more levels than we had ever connected on before.  I felt as though I had contributed and been strong when she needed me.  And Michelle, wow.  I may not know much, but I can tell you this, my wife is an amazing person.  More amazing that any other woman I know.  She, in a set of 26 hours, endured so much and prevailed.  I can only imagine that she was drawing from an unending pool of love that she had built over a 9 month pregnancy to fuel her strength.  Words cannot express the gratitude and admiration that I had and still have for my wife.  She is something to marvel at, she is a strong woman, a beautiful wife, and above all else, the best mother.

 

I know this has been quite a large post, but this is something that Michelle has been wanting to do for quite some time.  I hope that she too can write the birth story from her perspective.  Her story and mine are probably very different.  I also hope that she posts it here to serve as inspiration for friends who are pregnant or as a reminder the next time we decide to travel down this road again.

 

The rest as they say is history...